Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
