No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
two words...techno handjob
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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