would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
