You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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