I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
