I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
