Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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