Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
