I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
