Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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