Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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