tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my poor anus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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