So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
