We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I want is dick and wine.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
