Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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