I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
