Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
