Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
