There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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