He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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