I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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