your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
