Kiss
Puke
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
