if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Non-Jews are for practice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
