You're so nebulous sometimes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
