Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
