But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Will exercising make me less horny?
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