she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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