I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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