Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
