So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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