im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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