The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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