Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
