I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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