I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
