Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
