I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
