one two three fourrrrnication!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
