Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
