I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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