guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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