wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
