Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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