Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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