i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
