ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
