she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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