He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
