dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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