Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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