as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
try to milk me bitch
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