He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
