i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
